Something's lost
by Seratiah The Noble
Summary: We have been dating the better part of the year and we just weren’t really comfortable in taking a step in our relationship and I respected her for that. I came to her room and leaned on the doorjamb and crossed my arms over my chest...
1. How it came to be

"Something's lost."

By: Dreamer

Chapter One

"How it came to be."

By: Dreamer

I sit down and think after we got into fight. I open up my beer bottle and light a smoke after the bottle's been open. I take a long drag and watch the embers glow bright in this dark room, my hideout from the world. I start thinking about everything she's ever told me, truth is I don't think she ever wanted me around.

I screamed at her for some stupid shit and then she told me to fuck off and I stormed out the door, pissed off at everything. I remember the look of pure rage in her eyes and from the looks of it, there was something else there. Something that I couldn't find, much less see. So I left, was that the smart thing? Or could I have been dumb enough to let something good go away.

I returned after a few days, feeling worse than what I did when I left. But nonetheless happy to be home. Shortly after I got there I heard the slamming of a suitcase. _Damn my luck_, I thought and dashed to her room. We have been dating the better part of the year and we just weren't really comfortable in taking a step in our relationship and I respected her for that. I came to her room and leaned on the doorjamb and crossed my arms over my chest. Without even looking at me she mutters something in German... it was so sexy to hear talk in her native tongue... but she wasn't doing it trying to seduce me. No, it carried a pissed off tone to it. I wanted to cringe at it, but I kept a steely look on my face, I was mimicking that bastard.

"I'm leaving as you can see," she said without looking at me and hauling her only suitcase off the bed.

"Where are you going?" I asked my voice passive of all feelings like I showed while I was out on the streets.

"I'm leaving you," she snapped and with that she had left my life forever.

After that I kept myself locked up in my work and when I went home I began lifting my weights none-stop, then when my body could no longer handle it, I stopped and took an ice cold shower.

One day for some odd reason, I left like breaking the habit that I had started over the last year. Every chick in town wanted me because of my well-built body... but I turned them down, there was only one person I wanted but I could never have. I walked up to this new dinner that was recently built on the old plot of the Maxwell Church, I'm the only one who even remembered what was there a long time ago.

I walked in and sat down at the nearest table and ordered a beer. I lifted the bottle up to my lips and froze. I saw _her_, the **_only_** woman I ever cared about. I threw down some money on the table and left. _Damn it_, I scolded myself. _Out of all the fucking restaurants on this Colony... **why** that one?_ I wasn't quite ready to face her after just a year of her leaving me. I wasn't going to try and win her back, she was the one who left me.

Maybe to change the past, I went to a hair stylist and got a hair cut. Not a trim by any means. I had them shave my hair until it was four inches in the back and two inches on the top. I had her leave a small rat-like tail so I could still have it braided and gave my hair up for the kids who needed it the most. Now when I look into the mirror I can't even recognize myself. I needed to start over, anew, and this **how** I planned to do it.


	2. These walls

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Chapter Two

"These Walls."

By: Dreamer

Song by: Trapt

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Something missing

Left behind

Search in circles

Every time I try

I've been here before

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I get up and put on the Preventer uniform that I've come to know and almost love for the last five years since the war. It got old quick and I was there in the office seven days a week almost twenty-four hours a day. I tried to convince the Lady to let me live in my office, but she wouldn't let me. So I sold the old wrecking yard to move into an apartment closer to the building so all I had to was walk to work. It was far better than wasting money on car insurance and payments for twenty minuet drives to and from work. Plus the Scrap yard carried too many memories for me. I couldn't bare to live there. At least not without her. It's been about two months since I've seen her and I haven't so much as gotten any word from her.

I walk down the street barely noticing anyone and enter the building as I call Hell. It wasn't the people that worked here that was the problem, it was all the work. If it wasn't one thing on day, it was always shit the next day. I go to the break room and clock in and then head up to my office. My job was security or being a bodyguard for Ms. Peacecraft. Most of the time that bastard was doing the security on the building while I was out doing field work. Which didn't bother me that much.

I opened the door to my office and there's a note on my desk. It tells me that I have to go some place or another with Ms. Peacecraft. I smiled, it was better than filling out paperwork today. In a way I pity that bastard because the one who did building security on Fridays was suck doing the weekly report. Usually when there was bodyguard work I have to go in and give a report to the Lady herself in person. That was a daily report. Lady Une would rather have me do bodyguard work than building work because I would never do the paperwork, what was the point? She figured out that I would do a verbal report that day, so I'm a bodyguard.

Then Mr. Peacecraft enters my office and briefs me on my mission. He tells me it is somewhere, I don't care where, but I know that I've been there.

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I've seen you before

I can't escape walking through these halls

Hard to find a place where there are no walls

And no lines begging me to cross

Only straight ahead better move along  
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I show him my respect and leave, he's only the second highest ranking in the building, next to Une herself that is. Then the bastard, then me, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei. I probably would be the last ranking if I wasn't a bodyguard to Ms. Peacecraft. I'm then walking down the hall and I guess I'm wrapped up in my thoughts because I barely catch the glimpse of blonde hair out of the corner of my eye. I then feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around to face Ms. Peacecraft. I give her my famous smile that seems so distant now. I haven't smiled in about a year and two months.

She returns the favor, which seems to bring some color to her face... it's been looking a little pale lately.

"Why?" She asked softly reaching up with a shaky hand.

Her silky hand reached up and touched the side of my head. She runs her delicate hand through what's left of my hair. Her hand slips down to the back of my neck and she finds the braided tail of mine. Her touch puts shivers down my spine but I force myself not to move. She then fades out of sight, my eyes are slowly closing. I feel her fingers curl around the small braid and she lifts it up from my shoulder.

"Max, we can't have this," she said pointing it out, I love it when she uses my nickname.

I must've scared her because my eyes snapped open and my hand caught her wrist that held my braid. There for a minuet I held that bastard's steely gaze, but I soon turned the puppy look on her.

"Please?" I begged. "Can I keep it?"

It had to be how I said it, because she erupted into laughter. When she was able to get her diplomatic look back on she nodded her head slightly.

"When you get a minuet, I need to see you in office. Mr. Maxwell," she said.

I stopped in my tracks and turn my head so I can see her out of the corner of my eye. She's wearing a baby blue outfit and white shoes. It looks wonderful on her it's just that she's a bit pale.

"Yes, Ms. Peacecraft," we've now turned on our formalities.

"I want to see you before we leave," she commanded walking off.

It wouldn't be the first time that she's called me in there before we've gone on some diplomatic journey of hers. I know I shouldn't go because I've always thought that she belonged to that bastard that I worked with the last six years. But then again I could be wrong, just like I was with _her_.

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Like Clockwork

I commit the crime

I pretend to be

Everything they like

I've been here before

I've seen you before

And I'd trade everything for this

Why do I read the writing on the wall  
I won't lose my place in line

I've been here too long and I've spent to much time

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I wasn't going to show up in her office until it was time to go, but I couldn't stop myself. She had that power, whenever she wanted me all she had to do was command me to come there. I was like a dog, I obeyed and came to her when she called.

I approached her doors and knocked on them, there came a muffled "come in." I pushed open the doors and then they shut with a click, it automatically locked. There was only two people with the pass codes. Ms. Peacecraft and myself. That bastard made the system and he promised Ms. Peacecraft's brother that he wouldn't break in it.

We were close and she would've told me if he had, but he hadn't. Something else was keeping him busy for the last six years. For some reason he left this beautiful flower to grow and bloom without him.

"Ms. Peacecraft, you wanted to see me?" I asked formally.

She removed her jacket piece that was apart of her dress suit and looked me over. Placing her hands on her hips she looked at me, she was pissed.

"You're late, Duo," she said moving closer to me.

"I'm sorry," I said as she put her arms around my neck and pushed off my Preventer jacket.

Just then I noticed that there was soft music playing in the background. She looked at my arms and noticed that they were well defined.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"You look better than the last time I saw you," she comment softly.

Without being able to hold it back anymore, we came together in a soft kiss, one that grew deeper and deeper as her fingers stroked the back of my neck.

Later

I rushed her into her private bathroom and went to open the door, because someone knocked on it. It was Mr. Peacecraft.

"Is something wrong?" I asked smoothly.

"I just wanted to check on Relena," came his reply.

"She's in the bathroom getting for ready the meeting. I had just come up here to check on her," my lie worked.

Zechs trusted me more than that bastard to protect his sister. He knew I wouldn't have sex with his sister... little did he think. But she was the one who came down on me first. So she started it and when Zechs finds out, I'm not going to have my ass chewed out for it.

"She's fine," I assured him. "If something goes wrong I'll let you know."

He nodded and left.


	3. Made of glass

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Chapter Three

"Made Of Glass."

By: Evil Clown

Song by: Trapt

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I don't know anything at all and I'm somebody else

It could take years to find you, it could years to find myself

And I don't need to hear your answer I just need you to see

That I think it's time to break down these walls that we throw

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Well, that detail with Ms. Peacecraft went over smoothly. It's only when that bastard does the detail that something goes wrong. I guess most people don't want to fuck with a guy that is easy going but with a look to kill. There's no tellin' when I'll snap and go psycho on everyone. The element of surprise always works.

I feel that I don't know anything else out side of battles and fighting with my fists. And ever since I started my "games" with the Princess, I don't think I'm me anymore. It's because I'm not with _her_. The only person that I'll ever be good with, one I lost a long time ago. She's the angel that a man of death could never touch or hope to be with. I can't change that, only she can... but she refuses to do such. I think that she might've found someone better than a stupid fuck like me. It's now been almost two years since she left me... it could almost take another two or four years for her find me, or me to find her. I still want to her hear talk to me and see her, but I can't torment myself.

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Am I still breathing have I lost that feeling

Am I made of glass 'cause you see right through me

I don't know who I am and you're the only one who sees that

I can't ask these questions that cannot be answered today  
I will understand where you are, I will understand this by myself

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When I realized it, I was at the dinner again. I walked in there and ordered another beer and some meal that looked good to me. I didn't care what it was. I looked up from my beer and saw her. Her stomach was growing and her hair was now passed her bottom, it was in a ponytail then braided down the back. She was giggling at something or another customer said and it was music my ears. It was what I missed about her the most.

"Hey, babe, I need another beer!" I called to her.

I knew by the uniform that she worked here. She stiffened at my voice but got me another beer. When she came with the beer and I motioned for her take the seat across from me. She reluctantly took that seat.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Nothing much," came a soft reply.

"Are you pregnant?"

"Yes," came even softer reply.

"Who's the father?"

"Heero and we're about to get married, shortly after the baby's been born," she snapped and got up.

I sucked in a breath and caught her wrist. She looked back at me with a pissed off look and began to swear at me in Japanese. I knew that language all too well because of that bastard who now took her away from me.

"Do you love him?" I asked through my gritted teeth.

"Yes," she breathed in the same manor.

"Does he love you?"

She nodded her head at me as I let go of my grip on her wrist. She turned to leave again and I told her that as long as she was happy, I was happy. She froze again and looked at me over her shoulder and then continued on. I polished off the rest of my beer and I threw down the money to cover my meal that I never eat and the two beers plus tip.

There were questions that I wanted to ask, but after I saw her growing happiness I couldn't ask questions that I knew were going to be rough on the both of us. Something that she doesn't need while in that condition, so to speak. But she's with who she wanted to be with and I have to come to cope with that.

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Like there are no boundaries at all

And how far have we come, too far to throw away the past

So I'll be here waiting for you

Will we ever feel this good again – Not today

Will we ever feel this real again – Not today

Will you ever be mine again – Not today

Will we ever feel this real again – Not today

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	4. Still frame

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Chapter Four

"Still frame."

By: Evil Clown

Song by: Trapt

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Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down,

This picture's frozen and I can't get out (of here)

Believe me, I'm just as lost as you

And every time I think I've finally made it

I learn I'm farther away than I've ever been before

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It's only a matter of time now before the baby's born. But ever since I saw him at the dinner that Heero and I have built, I can't stop thinking about him. He was my first love, but he was the one who fucked up everything. But with everything that we've done is going through my head in pictures. But I can't make them stop, I can't stop that wound that has been reopened. So it's just confusing the hell out of me. Am I in love with Duo or Heero? I can't make up my mind. I reach down and feel the little one inside me kick. I can't just pick up and leave and start all over again, I just can't. It was way too hard to the first time and it'll be even harder this time. I'm so confused.

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I see the clock and it's ticking away, and the hourglass empty

What the fuck do I have to say

Keep it inside the image portrayed  
I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need

A small reflection on when we were younger  
We had it all figured 'cause we had everything covered

Now we're older it's getting harder to see

What this future will hold for us, what the fuck are we going to be?

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I fall to the ground in pain, the clocks time has come. Whether or not I want to, in a couple of days I'm going to be a mother. What the fuck do I have to say? I'm happy that I can share this joy with Heero as he comes to my side and rushes me into the car to take me to the hospital. But I'll hold a picture of Duo close to my heart and never forget him.

When we get to the hospital, the doctors say something has gone terribly wrong with the baby and they have to do an emergency c-section. The doctor's assure me that everything will be alright... but how can I believe it when Heero is about to kill them with just glaring at them?

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I'm afraid I'm falling farther away (from where I want to be)

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They place the mask over my face to make me sleep but as I close my eyes, I feel as though I'm falling and I'll never be able to stand up again. Is this the end? Is this what it is like?


	5. Echo

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Chapter Five

"Echo."

By: Evil Clown

Song by: Trapt

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I think about your face

And how I fall into your eyes

The outline that I trace

Around the one that I call mine

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I never thought that it would end like this. I thought about her face and when she smiled, her face seemed to glow. Then I remembered her eyes, they were what caught my attention six years ago. I knew right then that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But I went and fucked it all up just like I had in the past. _Why me?_ I questioned myself. A question that I've always asked myself and secretly knowing the answer. It's Death. A pact I wished I had never made and now it has caught up with me. Because she is now gone.

I walked up and looked at the angel lying there in a place of death looking happy. Something I can't ever recall her looking like. I brought up my shaking hand and traced her face like I did so many times while she was asleep and didn't know about. My vision begins to blur because I lost what I thought was mine.

Before my pain can spill out into the world I walk away and end up outside staring at the dreary sky. The rain falls and catches then mixes in with my tears. I feel a hand rest on my shoulder, I look over it to see _him_, that bastard.

"I'm sorry, Duo," he said, "so sorry. I didn't mean to take her from you at all... she came to me shortly after you made your appearance back at the wrecking yard. She was so confused... and lost... so much like me. She was seeking answers I could never give her. Then one night she woke up screaming, I panicked and went to see what was wrong. She told me that she saw herself dieing. When I asked how, she said that she didn't know. Hilde just knew that she would die in a hospital. That night I held her close and soon it came to the point that her dream kept visiting her, but while I was there the nightmare never came. Then eventually we began to grow closer, until one night I lost all control and it happened. After a month she found out that she was pregnant with our child..."

I tilted my head up to catch the sweet rain on my face. After that I tuned him out. I wasn't the only one who had lost something precious. He had lost his future wife and the mother of his child.

"You don't have to explain what happened between you two, buddie," I told him. "As long as she was happy... her happiness was all that matters..."

I then took off running. Not knowing where my feet would take me or where I would end up. When I stopped, I would then figure out what to do with my life... until then I would keep running and never stop. Maybe I could outrun my past, how I felt, and most of all forget everything. Maybe that was too much to ask for.

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Time that called for space

Unclear where you drew the line

I don't need to solve this case

And I don't need to look behind

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After Hilde had passed away everyone in the gang needed their space. If we weren't talking before, the wedge that was there was drove in deeper. Even though we all worked in the same building, we kept our distance. We drew some kind of line... I don't know what kind of line... something that we were trying to sidestep and stay away from. I'm not going to bring about the peace... I've done it twice. But I refuse to do it in this case. I've put the past behind and I must move forward... no matter what obstacles are in my way.

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Close my eyes

Let the whole thing pass me by

There is no time

To waste asking why

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I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I let the whole world pass me by. Time eases to exist anymore. I can't stop thinking about _her_ death. And in some way it was my fault. Everything's my fault... that's why I left. I haven't been seen since the funeral. Also in many ways, I feel dead. I maybe living and breathing, but inside I'm just a shell that refuses to die. I just want to let go but I keep asking myself _why_? Why can't I leave this world?

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I need to let go of this pride

Until this echo in my mind

Before this echo can subside

Do I expect to change

The past I hold inside

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I know that it's wrong to hold this pride that I have... I have outlived the American baka. Since we haven't seen him since the funeral, and six months have gone by and no sign or obnoxious pranks have been pulled. So we placed an empty coffin next to my Hilde's grave in his honor. Relena and I have gotten together in those months and agreed that we'll care for my child together. I named her Hope, in hopes that she'll be our light through the dark. After all that has taken place, I don't expect anyone to change... but I'll always hold the past close to me like my lifeline.


End file.
